To my 6th-grade art teacher:
Dear miss,
Fuck you.
Yours sincerely,
A student of yours that you don’t remember.
= )
BLACK AND STUPID
So, let me tell you a story that happened many many years ago. A story that happened when I was just a kid. A story that happened in grade 6.
A story that I still remember.
So, in grade 6 I just got transferred into a new school (changing schools had become a habit by then lol). It wasn’t only the school that change in my life, I moved to a whole new city with my family, leaving all of my old homies back home behind. It was… as you might expect a little rough for little kid lol.
So anyways, I was kinda shy. Didn’t really talk much. I really wanted to blend into my new school; I did not want to stand out in any way in that strange new place. I was never built for attention anyways. So, I did what I do best: stay quiet and remain hidden in a crowd of kids who were just like me. Slowly things got settled down and I made a few friends. And it was there that I first met Kale.
See, Kale (literal meaning: Black) and I were kinda like best friends. Well, we never admitted that because we thought only girls had best friends; we were real strong men after all lol. But yeah, I and Kale used to hang out together. Kale never used to study. He was the laziest motherfucker I have ever met. I, on the other hand, used to study my ass off because I was so scared of failing. So, it was a weird friendship.
I never liked people who studied really hard; there is always a sense of distance and competition with those smartasses. Instead, I always used to hang out with the laziest motherfuckers in school; they were at least genuine, and I could have real friendships with them. Also, they were way more fun than the ‘smart kids’. So, I and Kale used to do dumb shit together, and I loved every second of it.
Btw, did I tell you that Kale was the blackest person I have even seen in real life? Seriously, he was black as coal lol.
But all in all, Kale was my best friend. He was dumb, he was fun and he was crazy. And I loved him to death.
IN COMES THE BITCH
So, in grade 6 we used to have these art classes.
To be honest with you, I was (and still am) not good at art. But I always had a deep sense of fascination for it. That was until this bitch came into my life and fucked it all up.
So, in grade 6 (the same year I got transferred to my new school), my school hired a new art teacher. I would tell her name here, but honestly, I forgot it lol.
Anyways, so this bitch was ‘supposed’ to be our art teacher. She was pretty young from what I can remember, a 20 something girl who I believe was experiencing her first job as a 6th-grade art teacher. No wonder she fucked it up!
So, the issue with her was, SHE WAS JUST SO FUCKING MEAN!
I mean, I don’t know what her problem was, but she was always in a bad mood. Every little mistake used to piss her off and she used to scream at us for no apparent reason (crazy bitch). And what’s more, she used to pay attention to only those kids who could actually draw, talent-less dumb asses like me and Kale didn’t exist for her in the class.
Now, if she had just let us be by ourselves and not given us any attention what-so-ever, I would have been fine. Really, I never wanted attention anyways and I sure as hell didn’t want any attention from this crazy bitch. But nope! She even failed to do that one thing, that I desperately wanted her to do, that is to do nothing!
But this bitch was hell-bent on making my life (along with the whole class’s life) difficult. She decided to give weekly homework for the whole class! Homework! Who the fuck gives art homework? That too, for 6th graders. This bitch thought art was like mathematics or science.
Let me tell you if you didn’t already know this.
No, it isn’t bitch! It’s art! We didn’t even get graded for that shit. That bitch had a fucked-up sense of priority lol. She thought art was more important than any other subject lol. And what’s worse? The homework she used to give wasn’t even interesting! I mean, it’s art! How hard can it be to give kids something interesting to do? But nope, she said every week, we had to draw patterns in little boxes, and each one should be different from the other. Now, a couple of patterns every week would have been fine, but she demanded that we make 50 patterns to her every week! AND EACH ONE SHOULD BE UNIQUEEEEEEEEEEEE
I feel shivers even when I think about that assignment lol.
So, me being the guy who sucks at art, obviously struggled with this homework. 50 patterns were a lot! I mean, it doesn’t seem much but wait until you make the first 20 and then run out of ideas for the remaining 30. I just couldn’t do it. Plus, there was all that homework from other more real subjects. Subjects we actually had exams for. But I was so terrified of this bitch that I woke up late nights, thinking about the doomsday; the day when this bitch finds out that I had only done 32 out of those stupid 50 patterns.
Now don’t think that I didn’t try. Remember I used to be so scared of failing? Yup, so I was so scared of her that I used to spend hours every week trying to complete this stupid homework she gave me. I gave it everything that I had and somehow (God is great), I used to barely complete it just seconds before she came and checked it.
THE DAY OF JUDGMENT.
Now, as it happened that day, she was checking everyone’s “homework” on this beautiful sunny day. Now, no matter how beautiful the day might be, this bitch was always pissed off. And no one knew why lol. I guess she used to argue with her boyfriend or something but, she was always on the edge, ready to explode in the class.
So, she was checking everyone’s homework on by one. The whole class was terrified. No one spoke a word. And as she was coming closer and closer to my desk and I could feel my heart pounding against my rib cage. You know the feeling they show in movies, where the main character knows that his fate is sealed, so he closes his eyes and peacefully dies? Yup, that was what I was feeling. I was getting ready to be crucified in front of the class even though I had done the homework.
Why?
Who knows? But I was sure this bitch would find a way to fuck me up lol. It was her thing.
So, she finally comes to my desk. The day of judgment had arrived. She took my paper (onto which I had poured my heart and soul, desperately trying to draw those damn patterns) and…
And…
And she took a big red marker and put a big cross on the whole fucking paper. She looked at me, dead in my eyes, and said, “Do it again, the patterns aren’t unique enough.” Unique enough! Unique enough bitch! I spent the whole week, not sleeping, spending hours doing this stupid piece of shit you gave me and now you say, it’s not unique enough?
Man, FUCK YOU! you dumb fucking bitch.
And now you tell me to do this whole shit all over again! Fuck off and go die somewhere you bitch!
REALITY
But of course, I didn’t say that lol. I was (and still am) a pussy.
But it seems that I did murmur something under my breath; I was just a kid trying to rebel against an unjust art teacher. But the heavens were not kind to me that day lol, she heard me.
Now all hell broke loose.
She started screaming at me. Saying, “who are you giving this attitude to?”. She kept repeating the same thing over and over again, screaming at my face in front of the whole class. Man, I’m just a kid who feels that his art teacher does not appreciate the effort he put into his homework. I was fucking 13 years old, whom could I give attitude to? But apparently, this bitch was so pissed off at me that she kept screaming at me in front of the whole class and kicked me out of the class.
OUTSTANDING STUDENTS
Remember Kale?
That motherfucker also got kicked out of the class for some reason lol. We were best friends after all ; )
(turn on my black accent*)
So, me and my nigga was out there, kicked out of them shit class. Now, to be honest with yall, we thought we was cool. I mean, at least we didn’t have to stay in that dumb fucking class. But then, my nigga found some sticks lying around the corner. And what he do with it, you may ask? He got them 2 sticks for me and himself, and we started playing swords with em sticks.
Now mind you, we wasn’t suppose to be doin’ that. What we was suppose to be doing, was to stay still like some fucking statues for an hour, in front of the classroom. Be we was some restless motherfuckers back then, so obviously; we didn’t do that.
Now, it was going all good and all, but one of em homies back in the class saw us havin’ fun outside. Man… that motherfucker snitched on us! and told that crazy bitch about the good time we were havin’ outside.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I know for a fact that if you piss off an already pissed of bitch, you was in a whole lot of trouble back then.
(black accent turned off*) So much for cultural appropriation lol .
So, she saw us having fun outside. Being the miserable hag that she was, she couldn’t stand the sight of two friends having fun, so she called us in.
TO DIE TWICE
Have you ever died twice in a single day?
Well, I have and let me tell you, it does not feel good lol.
She had her long ruler beside her that she used to measure things and um… beat kids with lol (I tell you what, kids these days have it easy, we used to get our asses whipped in school).
So anyways, I was the first one in line to face the wrath of the devil. So, she asked me to turn my back around so she could have a good look at my bottom. And then… it hurts even thinking about it.
Smack!
My ass started burning like crazy. All the blood in my body went to my head. It hurt! I think I even peed a little lol.
But then the worst part was over.
Now, it was Kale’s turn.
Now, she told him to turn around just as she had told me. And he did, but just as she was about to hit him, he would turn back. Now that pissed her off even more lol. She screamed and told him to stay put, but Kale was a whole different animal by then. He really didn’t want to get hit by that stupid bitch, so he actually ran around the class instead of taking it like a champ (like me ; )
He actually ran! Lol. And then she started chasing him around the class. But the class can only get so big, so she caught him (or he gave up lol), and brought him to the table. But he was still turning around as if something was stuck in his ass.
Now, a pissed of crazy bitch and a monkey ass kid is never a good combination.
So, she hit him in the blink of an eye. And oh boy! did she hit him hard.
SMACK!
In fact, she hit him so hard that the ruler got broken into 2 pieces!
But Kale was still alive and thriving. Well not really thriving, but he was born a fighter lol.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END.
So anyways, that’s the end of the story I guess.
That day, Kale and I went back to our hostel with asses full of ruler marks.
And since that day onwards, I have always hated that bitch.
So,
To my 6th grade teacher: I still fucking hate you!
And as for Kale: I still think about all the good times we had. He would always remain my best friend in 6th grade.
Cheers!
= )