Most emotional pain is caused by either a lack of identity or a misplaced identity.
Identity is very important because it is who we are. It determines what we do, what we like, whom we talk to, what we think about and more importantly how we see the world. However, in the modern world, people have been struggling with their identity more than ever before. With the downfall of religious beliefs and advent of the concept of “global citizen”, more people than ever before are asking themselves the dreaded question: ” WHO AM I?”
If I am not my religion, community, or race, then who am I?
Now, the identity crisis is a real one. It can make people depressed, sad, angry, lethargic and even suicidal. It can cause much pain and suffering. Hence, it is not to be taken lightly.
The solution?
In the modern world, people need to create their own identity.
In the past, as I mentioned earlier, people did not have to create their identities out of thin air. It all depended on where you were born, if you were rich or poor, if you were a Muslim or Christian, if you were black or white, if you were a salve or not and so on. But today, these attributes that served as a means of identity for the population for so long have now vanished.
People do not care where you were born, they don’t care about your religion, race or wealth. The idea of “everyone is the same” has taken a hold on the social consciousness. And while the concept of equality is a good one, it unknowingly robbed us of our identities.
Hence, THE SOLUTION: CREATE IDENTITY
And how do you create identity?
You need to attach MEANING to something, anything. If you are able to derive meaning from any task, be it small or big, you have created yourself an Identity! When you believe you are good at doing this thing that you find so meaningful, it fills the void in your heart that screams “WHO AM I?”
Word of caution
Now while you might choose to give meaning to anything to derive identity from it, I would like to give some advice on that matter : )
First : DO NOT make something that you cannot control your identity.
Yes, this is a recipe for disaster. Personal experience: I used to make pleasing my parents a source of my identity for a long time back in my school days. It made me feel miserable. Yes, I did study hard and got those good grades but it did not feel much good. And while I did get happy when my parents were proud of me, it just wasn’t worth it. It was too much work just to experience a moment of happiness as my parent’s gleamed with pride.
What was the issue? I COULD NOT control my parents. I could not control what made them proud or disappointed. I if could I would have made it easier to make them proud (maybe just do the dishes instead of studying for hours to get that A?). But i couldn’t and so I suffered.
Hence, make something you can control your identity. For example, I derive my identity as: Prayas works hard and tries to be the best he can be. See the difference? I CAN CONTROL if Prayas works hard or not, I CAN CONTROL if he tries his best or not. Because I am Prayas lol.
This means, if Prayas doesn’t work hard, he will feel bad because he is not being himself. But Prayas doesn’t feel so bad if he gets, say a B instead of an A in an exam because his identity is not attached with the grade. Instead it is attached with his work ethic which he can fully control. The grades? He can only control so much, there are too many factors like the examiner’s mood, luck, resources available and more that influence it.
Hence, instead of making things like, pleasing other people you identity, make it something that YOU can control. You will be much happier.
Second: Find something worthwhile to make your identity.
Now, this might be a bit controversial but, while you CAN make anything your identity, I think it’s best to chose something that is actually valued in the world.
That means, you should not make watching TV your identity or eating junk food for that matter lol. In a similar sense, it’s easy to make useless shit like video games your identity because they are meant to be addictive. It’s easy to make betting on football games your identity because it’s gambling and it’s easy.
Hence, make something that arguably, people in general find HARD to do. For example, if my identity is: Prayas lives a healthy lifestyle, then it’s a much better identity than Prayas is good at playing X video game. It’s better because most people find being healthy difficult and hence, that’s a good sign that living healthy is a good thing. It’s good because it will help me become happy in the long run. You don’t want arthritis and hemorrhoids’ when you are in your 30s do you?
So, the point is: make stuff like, being good at studies, writing, being healthy, making good notes, housework, painting, editing videos, comedy, friendships as your identity not some useless distraction.
So, if you have managed to get to the end, here is what a good identity would ideally look like:
Name: XYZ
Identity
- I am a hard worker
- I try to be the best version of myself everyday
- I eat healthy and exercise
- I make time to be silent and reflect in my busy day
- I am organized and I keep my promises
Seems like a great identity to me! What’s yours?
Cheers!
XD
Honestblogs 