HOME sweet home.
That’s true. There ain’t nothing like home. Comfort is actually important lol.
But until about a day ago, I used to think it was all bullshit; that getting comfortable to everyday stuff was boring. I had the belief that you needed something new everyday to be happy: that doing the same thing, talking to the same people and even living in the same place was undesirable (not that I could help it lol).
But as you grow older everyday, wisdom pops up in your dumb head every now and then; and as such was my revelation yesterday. It felt as if Jesus himself was talking to me, showering me with wisdom I never had but desperately needed… nah not really lol. But I did realize something yesterday. ; )
So, yesterday was a pretty shitty day by my (now) stupid ass standards. I had waken up late, again betraying my 6 am alarm; felt groggy the whole day (probably because of sleeping late), didn’t really study, had 2 cups of coffee (who the fuck does that; never do that, stupid), and well at the end of the day; I was lying on my bed thinking where did the whole day go? I mean, it was as if it just vanished from my the pages of my finite life. I couldn’t remember anything worthwhile from the day. So, I started harassing myself over the way I had apparently “wasted” one whole day. I literally started torturing myself lol: giving myself all the names in the world, all the eye rolls, all the disappointing looks and all the, “why are so fucking lazy? you dumb ass!” statements.
Talk about being kind to yourself lol. Listen kids: don’t do this to yourself, the world is already hard enough to live in.
Anyways, amidst my unhealthy self loathing session (which I strangely enjoy lol), I realized something. I realized that the reason I was unhappy for the most part, was because nothing ‘new’ happened that day. I did not write anything, did not learn anything new, did not create anything new, did not meet anyone new, did not talk about anything new. It was an average shitty day. It was average for sure, but the shitty part was all in my head. I had harbored an (now) insane idea that, if it ain’t exiting, it’s not worth it. And it was making me fucking miserable.
I was so hooked on this idea of excitement, of newness, that it had started to change how I see the whole world. It had begun to affect my decisions in life. The idea that you need something exciting to be happy is a toxic one. I thought, if you don’t read anything new today, you didn’t read anything worthwhile; old friends are kinda useless, it’s new friends are exciting! make new friends and forget the old ones; ugh why do I even want to talk to my dad, we talk about the same ‘old’ stuff; I don’t want to talk to her, what are we gonna talk about?; don’t read that same book, read something else!, why would…. you get the idea right? I wanted change in life at a pace that was unsustainable.
So, if nothing ‘new’ happened that day, I would lay on my bed and feel all sad and grumpy. You see the problem with this idea of excitement? If you don’t have old friends, who is going to care about you? Those theoretical ‘new’ friends?; If you don’t talk to your dad, be it about the same old stuff, how are you going to have a good relationship with him? If you keep on changing books without finishing any, how are you going to learn? Life by it’s nature, is slow paced. Learn to accept it. You are a leaf in the river of life, don’t try to change the pace of the flow, you are a leaf after all; it’s the river that controls the flow. Learn to accept it.
So there it is, I learnt my lesson.
And one more thing lol.
I once asked my dad, “Dad, would you go and live in America if you had the chance now”?
And he said, no.
And I was surprised. I was like, “Are you dumb, you old man? It’s America!” I had thought back then, that my dad was too old to actually think about it rationally. That, with age, he had gotten stupid lol. I mean who would say that? People line up in thousands everyday, hoping to live in the country of endless dreams. I was, and am, one of those people. I mean, who would say no to clean water, fresh air, open roads, freedom, and just living in a first world country. It the USA. It was a no brainer!
But was it?
See, when you are young, as my dad always says, you think you know everything in the world. That, you are smarter than everyone else, that you know what others don’t and that you are entitled to special treatment. That’s the young man’s mistake, as he puts it. And sure enough, I made, and continue to make the same mistake lol. I thought I knew a lot, when I damn well didn’t.
I though dad was old and stupid, but it was I who was the fool.
See, what I failed to understand back then was that: comfort is importance to people. When you get older, you don’t want flashy new things, you want peace of mind. You don’t want to meet new people every day trying to build relationships, it’s exhausting. All you want is comfort and stability. If my dad, had gone to America in this age, then he would have to meet new people, make sense of the strange new world which is so different from what he had grown up with, meet new neighbors, probably do a new job, and a hundred other things he had never done! See, every thing would be new in America and the point is, new is not always good. Everyone wants to be with what they are familiar with. That’s why people live in tight knit communities, that’s why people cherish old friends, and that’s why people marry someone to live with for the rest of their lives (which I am not a huge fan of lol). And that’s the definition of comfort. A definition, which I was too dumb to understand.
And so, as always, dad was right.
But I wasn’t completely wrong either. See, had my dad been in his 20s, he would have probably jumped on the boat to America lol. So don’t blame me for my choices ; )
Cheers!
= )
Honestblogs 