The dilemma of being “good”.
I’m a “good boy”. Sounds corny? Feels lame? Maybe you even cringed a little bit (I know I did.)
But the funny part is, I myself am the “good boy” lol.
At least that’s how I felt a few months back when I decided to go to our graduation party. Its a long story so I’ll tell it in flash mode.
Graduation party came. I had never been to any party “PARTY” in my life. Decided to go take to look, I mean to see for myself if people really get high off weed, get drunk as fuck and then make some really bad mistakes lol. High-school stories man, I needed to check this shit out for myself. So it was an educational trip for me, and oh boy! I DID LEARN A LOT DAT DAY ; )
The moment people saw me in the party, they were like, “whoa, you here?”, they were genuinely surprised at my presence there lol, I thought it was funny. But a part of me felt something I had not felt in a long time, isolated. I mean, i get it, I am not the type to get into all the hype party stuff lol. So, it’s safe to say I saw it coming. But still a part of me felt unwelcomed to the whole thing. I was the “good boy”. But that’s what I signed up for right? ; )
So, the moment I got into the party. I knew this is not my habitat. I’m more of a creature of soberness and books. I got into the room, a large puff of smoke hits me on my face lol. “flag number 1: this shit isn’t for you, you don’t smoke”. People just chilling everywhere, most of them seemed more dead than alive lol (guess that’s what “chilling” means.) People playing some weird beer game, where if u loose you gotta drink. I didn’t play, I can’t shoot for shit and handle alcohol anyways. “flag number 2: you don’t drink, (or your dad will kill you came home drunk)”. So I felt uncomfortable form the get go. But as a true explorer, I didn’t back down and marched on into territories unknown.
But man, it was weird! I mean i was expecting people doing stuff, like loud music and dancing but I guess that’s not cool (cool people get high, don’t talk very much and act zoned out all the time). People were doing nothing lol. I HAD NO CLUE WHAT TO DO! So, there I was, in the middle of cool people, just amazed at how people could be so different from me and do things I ready didn’t understand at all. So, as any curious person, I observed.
First, I observed the girls, (well… not for the obvious reasons you might suspect, none of them were specifically attractive; specially if you used to talk with them in school.) The thing that caught my eye tho was how different they acted in the party. There was one girl in my bio class who didn’t speak much and I used to think she was just normal and boring like me. But oh man! I couldn’t be more wrong! There she was, on the balcony, smoking cigarettes like a boss. Goddamn it! she looked so bad ass. I was like “HOLY FUCK! is this the same girl?“. I was shocked beyond belief man. So, I was in the balcony, taking in that amazing secondary smoke from her cigarettes (which prolly took a couple minutes form my life), just watching her, pondering upon my amazing discovery. And then she smoked her 6th one in a row. And then I left the balcony.
Then finally, there was some movement in the otherwise slow party. GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS? THERE IS SOME GOOD WEED IN THE HOUSE! Ah, hearing the word weed, drunk people flocked into the “weed room” like a flock of lions hunting a prey lol. And I followed to see the main attraction of the night.
And then I was surprised again. I was expecting, a bunch of “cool guys”, smoking weed. But instead I was blessed by this amazing sight of girls casually rolling weed in some fucking newspaper lol. These were the same girls whom I talked about yesterday’s homework and gave them class notes, but now suddenly they seemed more knowledgeable than me lol (they were true professionals. Quite skillful eh?) Until a few years ago, I used to think girls were angels, and they didn’t even fart. Ah, how naive I was! One of them even offered me some, I politely declined and felt like a pussy for doing that.
Ah talking about being a pussy, there was someone who are more scared about weed than me lol. When weed arrived and I’m watching people get high for the first time in my life, having the time of my life, my phone rings. I reluctantly pick it up and there is this voice with a hint of panic in it. One of my friend had left the party fearing the cops would come and arrest us for possessing weed. Im not gonna lie man, I seriously considers running away lol. I was scared as fuck but I didn’t. Not because I was brave or something but I didn’t have enough money for tootle. ; ).
Meanwhile, the neighborhood auntie came to our rented apartment and complained about the noise. She theretned us to stop playing the music so loud and left. But no one turned down the volume and basically gave a fuck about the poor auntie. The party continued and I kept hoping she didn’t come back.
Ah, as the night went on, people smoked and drank more. So much so, they forgot to order food. Weed is strange stuff man, it makes you forget your hungry. Meanwhile I was hungry as fuck, desperately hoping one of these knocked out people realize that we didn’t have anything to eat all evening! And order some food. (also, hoping I get something to eat for the money I paid lol).
Finally the food came. I was really exaused, grabbed some momos, damp french fires and some coke. “My disappointment was immeasurable and my day was ruined” (Google this phrase and see what comes up ; ) The food was shitty, but you don’t expect much from stoned out people ordering food for the crew, do you? Not their fault lol. But hunger makes anything feel tasty and I had an “okay meal”.
And then it was already 10. I had promised promised my parents I’ll be home by 8. People were tripping hard, girls and boys, just running around like zombies, no one having any idea what they were doing. Talk about mistakes, one of the girls had a really bad wardrobe malfunction, like really bad! But she didn’t realize it because she was so drunk. Thankfully some of her more sober friends were helping her cover up. Seeing that I got scared again. Rightfully so, it was scary stuff. I wonderd when she wakes up tomorrow, would she realize what happened the night before? Or would she remeber the night in flashes and blurs, and go on about being that cheerful girl I knew her to be.
Finally the night was about to end. We got ready, helped the more “drunk” friends among us and headed towards the bus we all came in like a bunch of cheerful kids and returned to as fucked up teenagers.
I came to the party to learn. And learn I did. About my friends, about people. about weed, about fucked up decisions and perhaps more importantly, about myself. But I left the party that night with more questions than answers. Do I judge my friends for being that way? Why would someone want to get fucked up like that? Am I not cool enough for this stuff? Perhaps I lack something? Did I miss something by not smoking and drinking? Is this what having fun is about? Is this right? Or does it even matter?
NO IT DOESN’T. NOW GET YOUR ASS BACK HOME, YOU PARENTS ARE WORRIED.
= )
Honestblogs 